Grindr and other dating apps

In my "Queer Men Thrive" group this week, we discussed social media's positive and negative aspects, mainly dating apps. Dating online is like second nature, as everyone now knows someone who met their partner online. With online dating, you can quickly scroll through profiles of potential matches without leaving your living room!

There are many benefits, mainly for the busy professional who doesn't have time to go out. You narrow down the profiles you are attracted to and set up a date (or hook up!).

Dating is hard for everyone but can be more challenging for queer men. Queer men have dealt with their fair share of trauma, heartbreak, and societal exclusion, even in the current day. With that, my group discussed the many negative aspects of dating online and utilizing the apps like Grindr, Hinge, and Tindr. As one member put it, online dating can make queer men feel like a commodity, like you are looking at a catalog choosing the guy you would like to buy and take home. We treat each other differently and are more likely to be rude, disrespectful, and "ghost" each other due to the somewhat anonymous nature of online dating. In addition, we are addicted to just being on the app, swiping every few minutes, and not talking to those around us.

So how do we deal with these negative aspects?

It is all about building emotional resilience. We increase our tolerance of the BS that can be online dating, increase our coping skills, and create relationships with people we like in real-time. We build a supportive community around us so we can deal with any toxicity that we face. We can't necessarily change how queer men interact on the apps, but we can change our perspective. We don't need to deny that rejection on the apps hurt, that guys blocking us or flaking on a date doesn't make us feel horrible. It is okay to feel angry and disappointed and engage in healthy coping mechanisms after.

Never let a faceless torso dictate your worth.

Have a great week, friends!

Shout out to Irina Kay for use of her cute dog

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